Recently someone commented on my socials saying that “A real strong woman is able to deal with her own issues and can handle her own problems”…
OMG, that made me cringe, especially after all those hundreds of women I’ve met in recent years, who were so brave, courageous, and strong to ask for help when they needed it.
Unfortunately, far too many women still believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. That when you have (mental and emotional) issues you’re a failure, not good enough, small, or run the risk of losing control. Many women have a ‘just push through it’ attitude, in the ‘if you just ignore it, it will go away’ kind of way.
And I have to admit, I am one of them too.
Survival mode instead of asking for help
As a high-achiever and perfectionist, my go-to strategy is to get in survival mode when life is tough. I get this rational, problem solving, not whining but doing kind of attitude. I toughen up, and use my busy calendar as an excuse so I don’t have to soul search (as I feel just too tired for it).
But I’m also well aware that this is a really toxic long-term strategy, as it can lead to burn-out and all kinds of other problems.
After all, you can use a lot of strategies to push a problem under the carpet to be able to just deal with life, but the bad thing is that if the trigger is big enough, the problem just comes back and you stay in a self-sabotaging pattern. It’s like holding a ball down in the water: the ball is still there and pushing it down takes a lot of energy. You won’t see the ball for a while, but at some point, the ball will (have to) surface again. You just can’t keep pushing it down forever without pain and struggle.
In the long run
So to just keep ignoring the problem, and judging yourself for asking for help, and forcing yourself to just deal with it on your own is not going to help in the long run. After all, learning to deal with your issues means the problem isn’t gone.
We all know that it’s way easier to help others than to help yourself. As it’s often second nature to women to help others (even at the expense of themselves). Furthermore, helping yourself is also pretty difficult because you have your own blind spots. It’s very challenging to helicopter over yourself and really look at yourself objectively and see the problem behind the problem. Your thinking will be in the way, as well as your beliefs and your filters.
You just never get as deep as when you let someone else hover over you, see your limiting patterns, and connect the dots. Because we are naturally (unconsciously) inclined to move away from pain and towards pleasure. So as soon as something really hurts you, you will tend to run away.
I do this too.
Replace your sabotaging strategies for accountability
However, I am very aware of my sabotaging strategies. So I’ve put a safety net in place. I have a couple of women around me who hold me accountable, who are not afraid to call me out on my bullsh!t, my procrastination, and self-sabotage. Who is giving me tough love, as they want what’s best for me. And this feels so warm, supportive and loving. I’m not alone.
I wish for all women to have a cheerleading squad like that. So that we dare to be vulnerable. So that we are seen and heard. So that we not only give help but ask for help too. And are not feeling embarrassed or guilty when doing so.
It is high time that we no longer just deal with our issues. As ‘dealing with’ is simply not good enough. Because (learning) to deal with it means that we remain in survival mode which certainly does not contribute to a happier life. And as the strong women we are, we are motivated by being role models to others and to take steps toward a happier life. We dare to jump into the deep and show our true colours to others and especially ourselves. We dare to be authentic and to share this.
Ask for Help
It is high time we recognize that – because we are human – life gets in our way sometimes. That we need to stop over-rationalizing, over-trivializing, and over-analyzing. We may want to downplay what we are going through as there are ‘more important things in the world’. But we still feel what we feel. And oh what an inner battle this can give.
We need to recognize what blocks us from living life to the fullest. To then tackle these inner glass ceilings at the roots and overcome them once and for all with the help of our ass-kicking, tough love giving, and our back having cheerleading squad. As this is how a really strong woman does it. She takes responsibility and accepts that she cannot and does not have to do it all alone. Because she’s got better things to do than keep on struggling, fighting, and being in survival mode. She knows very well: together I am stronger.
Do you want a cheerleader too? Are you fed up being so strong alone? Would you love some help?
I’m here for you!
Just schedule your free Game Plan call with me. We will map the gap between where you are right now and where you want to be, and create a Game Plan with assured results. Schedule your complimentary meeting by clicking this link:
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