If your feel down

I was feeling down last week.

After getting several new great programs off the ground within a couple of weeks, the critical medical condition of our pony Madelief (she survived thankfully), and several other impactful events, I was finito.

Done. Tired. Blehhh.

An important message

And then there came the ping of my Whatsapp.

A message from Marlies, who for the past 6 years, first as my client then as a business buddy now as my soulmate, holds an important place in my life.

We are in daily contact about really everything. Know each other inside out, and happen to give each other the same gifts on our birthdays (we have birthdays next week, almost on the same day).

Anyway, she emailed me that she had finished her brand story for her company and if I wanted to read it.

I sat up and took a good look at it, and tears started streaming down my cheeks.

This was exactly what I needed to read.

Exactly what I needed to hear.Als je er doorheen zit

She wrote:

Loud twittering of early birds. The temperature in our attic room rises to unprecedented heights. I stare into the beautiful wooden ridge of our 1930s house. And think only one thing: ‘I don’t want this anymore. I’m quitting my practice.’

At that moment, it is summer 2017. Over 6 years self-employed, over 20 years of experience in marketing, and my schedule counts about 20 to 25 appointments a week. A whole lot more than I ever thought possible.

I worked very hard for it, as only Marlies can:

Every day I challenge ‘I am as dumb as the back end of a pig’ by putting my shoulders to the wheel every time.

I ignore daily ‘Who am I to…’ and am visible with my buttocks squeezed together. In real life and on socials.

And defy each time “What will they think of me?”, by focusing on the coveted result: a practice that is not a hobby but one that I can make a living from.

Successfully so, as evidenced by the full schedule, my many colleagues’ enviable sales and the piles of thank-you letters from clients, but I am devastated. And so that morning I find myself staring at that ceiling, dejected.

Disappointed in my business, my life, myself.

Because, if at 46 years old, with all the education and training I’ve received, I still haven’t gained significant self-confidence and entrepreneurship still feels heavy instead of free and effortless because I don’t REALLY dare show myself to the outside world? Then maybe I should just accept that this is it. That my path is one of hard work, very hard work.

By ‘chance’ I stumble upon an advertisement that day. And before I know it I find myself in a Zoom-call with Nikolien. A coach who knows what she is talking about. One of those confident, successful no-nonsense women where you think, “If only I were a little more like her!

She shares her big secret, and then it sinks in:

I can try to tell myself with my HEAD that I have more than enough reason to believe in myself. But if I can’t FEEL it, then there is no way I will ever truly have faith in myself. Will my unconscious always tell me that I am too clumsy to dance for the devil. And I will keep working harder than hard, trying desperately to prove to myself that I am good enough.

That day I realize: I have to get to work on my unconscious that has been so ruined and let go of all those nasty, hindering, disruptive beliefs.

So I make the choice to take the adventure one last time. My heart leaps with anticipation, because I feel that this could make just THE difference.

Of course, I postpone the preparatory assignment until the very last moment. Finally, I write down my life story and what is going on in my head and find on paper the evidence of my inner world where there is no self-respect or confidence whatsoever.

Where is the fun, the lightness, the Marlies who is oh so positive and always in for a joke. What happened to the Marlies I am deep down inside? I am deeply ashamed at the thought that Nikolien is going to become a witness to the vale of tears that is my world of thoughts.

I pep myself up for that very first session. I ignore the restless feeling in my lower abdomen. Nikolien has told me that anyone can do this, so why not me?

I listen to the instructions, nod that I am ready, close my eyes and then….

Blank.

We start again and I whip my back again: ‘Come Marlies, focus’. Again NOTHING. And then the familiar head chatter begins: ‘You see, I can’t do this either. It’s never going to work. There is no more for me in life than this. You’ll have to make do with it, Marlies.’

Fortunately, Nikolien doesn’t let me escape: ‘Did you want a change or not? You can choose NOW: Run away and disappoint yourself again. Or persevere and give yourself the chance to create a much more beautiful life for yourself. I don’t care what you choose, but what do YOU want?’

Everything in me screams, “Get out!” and “Who the f.ck do you think you are that you talk to me like that!

Yet I stay.

And to this day I am grateful that THERE, in THAT moment, I decided to surrender myself to the process. To trust in the other so that I could find the trust in myself.

Because from there, things start to flow. Soon, with the best will in the world, I can no longer imagine how stupid I have always felt. Seems the ever-present fear of visibility, and therefore rejection, disappears like snow in the sun. And I can feel in every fiber of my body, “I am me. I am who I am. And that is more than good enough.’

With that rock-solid confidence, it also turns out to be super easy to show the outside world who I am and what I have to offer. At network meetings, in FB-lives, my website and – yes – even on stage in front of an audience of 150 professionals.

In my very own way and with my personal, unique story, I REALLY connect with my prospective client. And what I had never dared to hope happens: An unprecedented and new stream of clients comes my way.

I have never lacked sufficient clients, but now, as if out of nowhere, exactly those women come my way that make my heart skip a beat:

‘I heard/read your story and knew immediately that I had to be with you.’

My whole business suddenly feels spontaneous, easy and 100% Marlies. I never thought this was possible!”

(Learn more about Marlies and how she can guide you in discovering your unique and personal brand story: https://www.instagram.com/marliesvanderhout/)

A Reminder

I share this with you because, maybe like me, you sometimes forget how much of a difference you can make. Because when you are so caught up in your work, so preoccupied with your to-do lists, too often you fail to see the impact of your work. Forgetting what you can do for others. Losing sight of why you do what you do.

And so her story was a reminder. And a reality check.

A push for me to persevere.

And honestly … also a very nice feather in my ass.

Do you want more self-confidence like Marlies? Really feel that you are good enough? That you are worth it? And is it time for you to ask for help?

You can easily get a taste of my guidance with a Soul Release Session via Zoom.

Profound, no-nonsense and life-changing.

Click here for more info:

Soul Release Session

I so much want this for you!

Love,

Nikolien

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