Very honestly, I am addicted to being busy. When I am not at work, attending appointments, working around the house, running errands or doing other useful things, I feel a little lost. It seems like my life only has meaning when I’m busy every minute of the day. That I am good enough, successful and matter when I am busy.
Ouch.
Like Marie Curie saying “We have no regard for what has already been done; we see only what remains to be done. Am I always switched on.
And secretly I’m proud of that too.
I promise myself that I will do the things I’d also like to do – read all those self-help books, wander through the Rijksmuseum, paint, meditate, Netflix – as soon as I finish my to-do list. But of course that happens far too infrequently, because the work is just never finished. At least not in my head.
Not to mention the guilt, my head always going on and on, and the gnawing restlessness when I’m doing nothing.
In my bloodline
And I recognize this from the women in my bloodline. In my mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother, and the women before that. For generations, these women have been entrepreneurs, hard workers, and successful frontier women who were financially independent. And at the same time also women who had countless balls to keep in the air, carried a lot of responsibility on their shoulders, and had a gigantic drive to prove themselves. They had absolutely no peace in their thunder and they believed that success could only be achieved through hard work.
And their blood flows through my veins.
In addition to hard work, many women also know self-sacrifice. Many women believe that they are not good enough until they take care of everything and everyone first and only then take care of themselves. So many women put themselves last and are satisfied with the scraps. Admittedly, I am not the caring type. My kids have to grab their own cookies after school (sneakily 2) because mom works. Yet hiding behind being busy is also a form of self-sabotage. And a kind of escape from having to deal with yourself (because what might you run into?).
Busy, busy, busy
Research shows that over 62% of Dutch mothers are so busy that they have no time for themselves. If there is some time, 51% say they spend it mainly on household chores. More than half also say they feel guilty about their children. All in all, 44% of the mothers surveyed say they feel they are failing their family. And almost 70% of Dutch mothers say they put that pressure mainly on themselves.
So, with me, many other women.
So I find it a constant challenge to develop in the midst of my busy schedule. I procrastinate and become a woman who simply does things and checks off my to-do list, without really living it. Without really living it.
Enough is enough. I don’t want to pass this on to my children.
Moments of happiness
It is time to give new meaning to “being busy. It’s time to measure the quality of my life by moments of happiness, fulfillment and just being, rather than just ticked-off tasks on my to-do list.
So I am determined to create space for gratitude and wonder every day. I want to allow myself to enjoy the little things in life, to play, to slow down, and breathe. I want to discover the beauty in the simplest moments, like admiring a dramatic sunset, reading a great book, creating a surprising work of art, having a moving conversation, and wandering among the treasures of the Rijks.
I realize now that life is not just about productivity, hands-on, kicking ass, and finishing lists. It’s about enjoying the journey, finding the magic in the spontaneous moments, slowing down, and feeling alive.